Fresh squeezed Orange Juice anyone??? Part 1 of 3

First of all, I'd like to talk for a few seconds with you about where we are in my journey and possibly where some of you might be too! Allow me this little detour?? I suppose you might feel better about it if I reassure you that we are not buying tickets to Tarshish..just to a bit of discussion!
Ever heard the phrase, "you've got them eating out of your hand"??? Well, I have a question for you!! Ever been eating out of Satan's hand, that is to say listening to anything the world promises, and didn't really get it when God spoke these words,

"My flesh is real food and my blood is real drink" (John 6:55, NIV)??? Well, at this point in my journey, at the end of my freshman year, I was no longer letting the devil or this world influence me...!!! ( well, for the time being)...!! Disclaimer: if any of you should know anything about the Christian walk, it is the fact that a daily walk requires minute by minute reliance and surrender to God's perfect will.  Ok, back to the journey of Jennifer, Jonah's little sister!! Yes, my cup was lifted up and He was filling it..!! Most certainly, I was fixing my eyes on Jesus and setting my heart and mind on things above ( Colossians 3: 1-4)!!!  His perfection was increasing and my pain was decreasing!! My heart was full and overflowing with His mercies..!!  Praise His Holy name..!! Honestly, His word sustained me and His grace was most sufficient for me during that time, as His word can be for all of us if we will let Him lead. As I was about to switch my major to Philosophy of Theology, although there is more on that in part 2, my homework was soon going to be an even greater feast on God's words...!! His Word was about to truly be my daily bread...!! Bread..?? Fruit?? Hungry anyone?? Good..! For those who hunger and thirst after righteousness shall be filled!! Matthew 5 ( I'd cite the exact source for you, but Matthew 5 really should be read in its entirety, right?)
Question!! Are you satisfied with your fruit??? Your bread??? Did you invite Jesus into your heart to be a part of your life and then found out that your fruit has been a little short lived?? Or perhaps you have found that your bread molded over a bit?? In fact, has some of your juice turned a little sour??? Guess what..?? It's possible that your call and your commitment to the Lord has not been through the fire...!! We are going to read in a few blogs from now how Jonah's call had not been through the fire! Friends, the difference between looking like an orange and being an orange lay in the fact that God for some of us is a part of our life, looking like an orange! In contrast, God for others is one's whole life, being an orange! How can one be sure which one is true?? Answer: Watch the results of your fruit when the heat is hot! When life gets tough, do you melt too soon, or do you bloom?? 
Principle, when the fruit juices of God's plan in your life turn sour, it's time to go through the fire!! 
Ever heard the phrase, "when you walk like a duck and talk like a duck then you must be a duck???" Well, even if you try to kill that duck, fry that duck, eat that duck or just pluck that poor little duck's feathers, it's still a duck right?? So, if you are looking for fruit in your life that shows evidence of true transformation, then look for fruit that stays fruit even if it's way too hot outside. Indeed, a new creation means a new you that stays put no matter what happens. To explain, sometimes we really think we are bearing fruit, when all the time, those little blossoms got freeze dried with the first winter frost, you know? So, feeling frosty?? Perhaps it's time to die to self, surrender to Jesus and enable those ears to hear His voice! His voice is calling you to come home into the safety of His arms, His Plan and His love. Therefore, sometimes we look like an orange and we feel like an orange, but when life squeezes us really hard...are we going to taste like orange juice...??  No, sometimes we will taste like lemons; perhaps we will taste like something more sour?? When all things are revealed...are you the orange you thought you were??? In truth, when life squeezed me tightly, I had found out that I was not the committed Christian orange that I thought...!! Nope, I wasn't an orange through and through...was I? Are you?? Orange you glad that through surrender, you too can be the orange God intended?? What would happen to you if the big squeeze was put on you??? How would you taste?? Friends, our strength must come from the Lord, and our truth, our light, our everything must be from Him, and from nothing else...Amen?? When we go through the fire, we are to come out refined...we are to rely soley upon the Savior, who alone is capable of our survival and victory in this life.
Principle: Before the Spirit of God puts us through the fire and makes fresh squeezed orange juice out of us, we must first be surrendered to the maker of the orange tree!!

C. Spurgeon says it best,

Where to find fruit

‘From me is thy fruit found.’ Hosea 14:8

Suggested Further Reading: John 15:1–8

If I could bear fruit without my God, I would loathe the accursed thing, for it would be the fruit of pride—the fruit of an arrogant setting up of myself in independence of the Creator. No; the Lord deliver us from all faith, all hope, all love which do not spring from himself! May we have none of our own-manufactured graces about us. May we have nothing but that which is minted in heaven, and is therefore made of the pure metal. May we have no grace, pray no prayer, do no works, serve God in nothing except as we depend upon his strength and receive his Spirit. Any experience which comes short of a knowledge that we must get all from God, is a deceiving experience. But if you have been brought to find everything in him, beloved, this is a mark of a child of God. Cultivate a spirit of deep humiliation before the Most High; seek to know more your nothingness, and to prove more the omnipotence of the eternal God. There are two books I have tried to read, but I have not got through the first page yet. The first is the book of my own ignorance, and emptiness, and nothingness—what a great book is that! It will take us all our lives to read it, and I question whether Methuselah ever got to the last page. There is another book I must read, or else the first volume will drive me mad—it is the book of God’s all-sufficiency. I have not got through the first word of that, much less the first page, but reading the two together, I would spend all my days. This is heaven’s own literature, the wisdom which comes from above. Less than nothing I can boast, and yet ‘I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.’ ‘Having nothing yet possessing all things.’

For meditation: Apparent fruit produced by our own efforts independently of God is no better than a mirage; it will vanish upon inspection on the Last Day (1 Corinthians 3:12–15 ). Fruit which is derived from Christ and acknowledged to be produced in us by him will abide in abundance to God’s glory (John 15:5,8,16). Joseph did not forget the source of his fruitfulness (Genesis 41:52).

Sermon no. 557
28 February (1864)

Therefore, I ask you one question?? Have you had enough??? Have you tried and tried to be an orange and now it's time to rely, rely, and rely soley on the Master potter, who plants and makes the orange tree?? Friends, just let His holy fire burn!  For a fact, only what hurts will be destroyed and what's left behind will be beautiful...!! Are you ready to submit to the maker of the Orange tree...?? Are you ready to go through the fire that doesn't burn you, but rather it just burns the sin off??

Please enjoy this song by Anthem Lights before reading the first part of my call to missions,

Therefore, let us go on to maturity...not being tossed around like the wind, or tousled by every wave..!! Let us not smell the food or hear about the food..!! No, let us rather consider our Lord's flesh as real food and eat and partake in Him...!!

As I prepared to write a paper for my Freshman English class, I'll never forget struggling to find the right topic..!!  In reality, I knew that I had chosen to turn to God and now I was truly seeking His plans, and His thoughts and His truth in His Holy word, the Bible.  However, as I began to write about what makes people pursue the careers that they pursue, my English assignment, I selected various research careers, such as linguistics and other fields! O.k. I admitt it, I had settled on this topic, because I was supposed to find a career that I wanted to pursue and I was supposed to make the paper personal..!! Well, I had no idea what I was going to do with my "new" life in Christ, so I wrote about a career that I found interesting and that was the end of that story.  Well, two days later,  24 hours of research later, 15  diet cokes later, 12 cups of coffee later and a whole lot of popcorn later, Jennifer had completed a beautiful paper, full of perfect concrete details, all the best commentary and lots of flare!! Yes, 25 pages of my final paper danced before my eyes, full of perfect fine tuning and completely void of all grammatical errors...!! Confession time!! NO I DID NOT SAVE MY WORK...!! COMPUTERS WERE A LITTLE NEW TO ME, OK?  As you can imagine, when I pressed revert to original, the computer went back to the original paper! You know what I mean don't you?  The copy that in fact had only a few quotes and a few rough ideas was the copy before me!!! Yeah, that's what happens when you save your paper at the beginning and then forget to continue to save as you go! That moment changed my life forever!! Kind of actually reminds me of how me need to daily stay in Step with the Spirit!! Tragically, the paper was lost, and the books had already been turned in...AHHHHHHH!!!!  What was I going to do??? To use a quote from the minor prophet Jonah, "Lord, it is better for me to die than to live...!" (Jonah  4:3, NIV) Just kidding...!! Just keeping those good, little "Jonah" quotes alive and well on this blog...!! O.k. back to the tale!! Back to the nightmare!! Frantically, I ran around the Library trying to find the books I had returned and trying not to fill the whole PLNU library with my tears of panic and frustration!! Tears blurring my eyes, I began to search the computer for my books when one of the books under the "S" titles had an author that stopped me dead in my tracks!! Wilbert E. Little!! What??? My Grandfather??? Grandpa Little had written a book??? The title was, Scalpel Please!  In short, the true story about how a surgeon left everything behind to go to Africa and serve for the Church of the Nazarene as a volunteer Surgeon in Swaziland, was written about my Grandfather and written by my Grandfather!!  Stunned and surprised and mystified all at the same time, I ran to the phone and called my mom and dad....!! "Heah guys..??" I asked in dismay.  "Did you know that Grandpa wrote a book...??? I'm staring at the title in the PLNU library right now!!" "Well, Yes we did", the two of them replied like it was no big thing. "Mom",  I squealed with delight, "it's available and I'm going to check it out...!" Mom asked me how my paper was going and I just said it's a long story...!!  Quickly, I hung up the phone and located Grandpa's book...! As I began reading it, the reality of my paper's due date came back and suddenly an idea came to me about how I was going to finish my final paper!! Why not look up a bunch of titles about the career and calling of the foreign missionary..?? After all, there are more than likely, many books on the topic!! Therefore, I went to work. As I began to search for other titles about missionary work to see what else might be good material for my new paper, Through Gates of Splendor popped up along with The Life of Fairy Chism! As I began to read a few lines of the story of Fairy's call to the mission field, I about blew a gasket!!! There was my Great Grandfather's name!! The Rev. J.T. Little had prayed with Fairy at an altar to help her give it all in full surrender in order to follow a call God was giving her to Nazarene missions. Ahhhhh!!! Now, I would have called my parents back again to act shocked, but it was well after 1am! I'm going to stop there and leave us with a Scripture, and a question~

Psalm 37:4-6

New International Version (NIV)

⁴ Take delight in the LORD,
   and he will give you the desires of your heart. ⁵ Commit your way to the LORD;
   trust in him and he will do this:
⁶ He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,
   your vindication like the noonday sun.

Question? When was the last time you heard God's call on your life? When was the last time you committed your way to the Lord?? When was the last time you trusted Him to be the one to give you the desires of your heart; He's the only one that knows them! God bless you all, and I hope you keep reading to find out how God filled my heart with its truest desires in Part 2! Even still, in part 3 we will have a chance to dance in the rain!!

Rejection meets Redemption

Quite truly, this is going to be the hardest blog for me to share in public and quite arguably, this might be one of the most important blogs for me to share in public!! Well, before I do, Pray with me?? Lord Jesus, please let the words of this testimony reach those that like me, need to know that you must be the only source of love! Lord, help us to know that with all the control in our lives out of our hands and into your hands, we can walk in the joy of the redeemed! May the words be yours and may they be a blessing!!
I truly cannot express fully how much pain I was going through during my Freshman year in college! However, I remember so many different instances of feeling so completely rejected by people. Of all people and of all places, I thought college would be the place and its people the people that would accept me!! Now, we already discussed that one should only look to God for acceptance, but I had been outsourcing! Yes, I definitely had been hoping that PLNU, like a giant big family of acceptance would fill the void that only God can fill! When I posted the lyrics from Fireflight, I wanted to express to all of you that I truly felt as the lyrics described, "If you leave me, I will die" !! all of us need to understand that where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  Therefore, if your treasure is with any part of this world and its false promises, you might end up with a broken hope, a broken dream and a broken heart. Let me explain??? I really thought I had out sourced to some pretty worth while things...Let's review, shall we?? Where had I outsourced? Well, for one, Disney dreams and magical fairytales!  One cannot go wrong with the magic kingdom...right?? Wrong! One cannot go wrong with God's Kingdom! Well, fairy tales are not real and no they didn't fill anything...they failed!! Jesus, your rightful king will never fail you!! Then, I turned to Friends. What's wrong with having a few friends??? Nothing, but friends will not fill anything for me or for you!! Only Jesus is meant to fill us to overflowing! Yes, what a friend we have in Jesus!! What a privilege to take everything to God in prayer..all our griefs and burdens to bear...!! What a friend we have in Jesus!! Being friends with the world will throw you rejection every time!! Friends fail!! The World fails!! But the word of the Lord lasts forever and His Love endures forever!! Next, I turned to an institution that seemed to promise safety and love. I looked forward with great expectation to a Christian college, where I hoped I would fit in; I was banking on fitting in there completely! What's wrong with expecting acceptance when you are a Christian from other Christians??? Maybe we should ask the many in the world that cite Christians as the reason they no longer attend church!! Never, Never ever entice others to attend "church" based on human acceptance or on happy endings!! A Church organization, though very wonderful and sometimes a great conduit to shout out Life saving news to the world, is not the answer!! Yes, we want to attend church for many reasons, but never to find true acceptance!! Only Jesus accepts us and creatively redeems us daily by His perfection and righteousness, by His blood shed upon that cross. By His wounds we are healed!! Yes, the People in a church will fail, but the message given in Creedal and doctrinally rich churches is life saving and a great reason to stay in fellowship at a church. Although some of the things I turned to were not bad things, they were not the source of joy and acceptance that I needed. Therefore, as the shadows failed to bring me true light, I began to lose hope and purpose!!  I knew that God never promised us a life without pain; God has promised us eternity with no more tears! Without understanding how to stand in the rain, or with out understanding how to let God's love pacify pain, I felt the pain intensely and had no hope of its end. All the things to which I had turned, through lies of the world, had failed to end the pain of rejection!  Finally, as I was faced with more rejection..most of which I will not publicly describe on this blog, I finally turned to Christ!! Finally, the one true friend that had been there for me when I was 9, when I was 13, when I was 16, and now, at the age of 19, was the one to whom I was turning!! Did you know that Christ rescued me just in time?? Right before I was about to dive deep into a dangerous cycle, God intervened!! Allow me to now tell you what danger that was?? Completely bewildered and frightened, I was feeling so out of control and angry at all the things I was sure would bring acceptance my way but didn't! Tragically, when those things failed me, and when there was another dead end with no direction, I actually became anorexic!! Yes, it's true!! As most Freshmen in my dorm gained the famous, "freshmen 15" I lost 15 pounds I could not afford to lose.  I remember so clearly the point where this eating disorder took a really nasty turn and began to completely control me!! Sadly, rejection can make you feel as though you are the problem!! Yes, if Jennifer were prettier, or skinnier, then maybe she'd be accepted!! So not true, as we do not need to change ourselves to please any person because God is pleased with His creation and He created you!! God doesn't make junk!~! Another reason anorexia began to attack my life, has to do with a need to control the things in life that I could not control! When everything seems out of control, and the pain of rejection seems to be your lot, and when you realize that you cannot fix things on your own, you begin to control anything that you can! Well, even though I was raised in the church and even though God had never abandoned me, I didn't know how much He accepted me exactly as I was, as Jennifer! If any of you out there are struggling with this right now, please e-mail me and maybe we can chat! God is there for you and will deliver you if you'll let Him! He lives! Yes, your Savior Lives and cares and He came to rescue you! Truly, I thought if I could control my eating, and maybe my physical appearance, then maybe I would be accepted?? Well, of course trying to control this area of my life backfired big time!! As I began to experience momentary control over something, the tables quickly turned! Even though I knew I couldn't break free of the hold Anorexia had on me, I also knew that I felt like there no way to stop it and to be honest, there was not a really good reason why I should.  Part of me wanted to die! Where was my hope? Where would the pain end! I wanted God, and I knew He was real, but I hadn't been practicing reaching out to Him had I? As a result, I didn't know His embrace!! Friends if you are experiencing pain of any kind and it doesn't feel like God is doing anything about it or that He can, stop right now and ask Him for a hug! Close your eyes and give him your pain and trust that He does want to heal it!!  God's mercies never fail and they are new every morning for great is His faithfulness...! If not for remembering His words..His wonderful words of life, words found in the Bible, assigned to me to read in my New Testament class, I might not have had victory! God's words never return to Him void!! Can I just say that if you are a professor at a Christian institution, be proud of the Words of God you assign your students to read!! Here I was, a student at PLNU in a New Testament class! To all the world, I seemed just fine, while inside, I wanted to die for I had lost hope. Yes, here was Jennifer, who always did her homework, and because of a Christian institution that requires Bible classes, that homework helped save me in my despair. Those Wonderful Words of God saved my life!! Well, I know I would not have had victory without Jesus! In fact, I was reading in Corinthians that my body is not my own and that I was bought at a price, and how I therefore needed to honor God with my body..!! Well, there was my reason to not control my eating...!! Along with reading that the God of all comfort is able to fully comfort us as there is nothing He did not suffer, and how God was calling us to honor Him with our body, I decided to ask God for help!! I cried out to Jesus, just like in the lyrics to Fireflight...!! Come close Father!! Yet, if you leave me I will die!! Praise His holy name His Spirit beckoned me to the right source, the only source that would not fail!! Please listen to the words of this Brit Nicole song, and then continue to read how the Lord's light brought real truth into my life. 

Praise the Lord I turned to the right light and path: Christ! Yes, Lord, I'm asking you to comfort me! Yes, Lord I'm asking you to help me overcome this disorder that is too much for me!! Yes, Lord, I'm asking for your help to stop doing anything that dishonors you!! Lord, I give you all control...!! Lord, save me!! God's love surrounded me!! God's great mercy surrounded me!! The realization of the cross He bore to save my soul brought me to my knees in a whole new way!! I had been reaching out to so many things that could not love me and did not love me, when all the time, God loved me first...!! While we were still sinners, Christ died for us!! For this is the truth of His great Love..not that we loved God, but that He loved us...He was there the whole time reaching out to me! God came near and God's strong arms shattered the hold Anorexia had on my life!! As I committed to God full control of my life, He in turn asked me to follow Him and I said, "yes"! Lord, I totally belong to you now Lord, and to you alone! Since we all belong to something, may I suggest strongly that you choose something good to whom you will belong? Jesus is something Good, so good and so sweet, that you will not fathom His goodness in this life! Not sure where God would lead me next, I was truly thankful to not be seeking the acceptance of others for the first time! God loved me, and I wanted to please Him!! At the end of my freshman year, I remember knowing that I needed to study God's word like crazy and I craved to read it without ceasing! All I wanted to do was know more about the God that never fails!! As I began to study more about my Savior, I began to fall in love with Him and I can actually say that God is my first Love!! So, when the love of my life called my name, I knew His voice and I was honored to say, "yes" Lord...!! Finally we reach the first time God called me to serve Him in missions. I'll be posting this part of my life's story in 3 parts. 


Please listen to this song and be encouraged that God never fails and control will only destroy you while it remains in your hands...!! When your life is in His hands you begin to love him truly!!

A question: 
Are you trying to control something in your life?? Do you know why you are doing that?? Friends, we control because we truly think we have to in order to have peace or to make pain cease..!! We've stopped believing that God will fix it or that He is our healer. Do not be deceived...!! God is your peace..He demolished the dividing wall of hostility and His perfect peace can fill your soul right now and protect your unsettled heart! Give Him your heart, it's safe in His hands..!! Your Lord will never harm you and He will never be unfaithful to you...and He will never disappoint you! Your God will turn every instance of rejection into the redemption He planned for you from the Beginning! Let Him turn your sorrow into the joy of the redeemed!! In the next blog, we will hear how my surrendered heart heard God's voice calling in the night, in the rain to take His words to the ends of the earth! Please read on and please rely on God's words alone to guide you through a dark world!!

The Longer I serve Him, the sweeter He grows

Oh Jonah!! Why didn't you know that you cannot really have God's love if you keep it inside the borders of anything?? Oh Jennifer...Why didn't you know that you cannot really box up God's plan and freeze frame it like a photo on your dorm room wall?? Here I was on the beautiful campus of PLNU, listening to the waves crash against the rocky, California coast, and completely unaware of the call that was about to shake up my life..!! In a few posts we will be carefully examining the role of Prophet and the role of the missionary, so keep reading because a whole lot about Jonah is coming soon!! For now, let's examine Malachi again, another minor prophet of God! Malachi 1 clearly states,

¹ A prophecy: The word of the LORD to Israel through Malachi.^[a]

Israel Doubts God’s Love

 ² “I have loved you,” says the LORD.

   “But you ask, ‘How have you loved us?’

   “Was not Esau Jacob’s brother?” declares the LORD. “Yet I have loved Jacob,³ but Esau I have hated, and I have turned his hill country into a wasteland and left his inheritance to the desert jackals.”

 ⁴ Edom may say, “Though we have been crushed, we will rebuild the ruins.”

   But this is what the LORD Almighty says: “They may build, but I will demolish. They will be called the Wicked Land, a people always under the wrath of the LORD. ⁵ You will see it with your own eyes and say, ‘Great is the LORD—even beyond the borders of Israel!’


Great is the Lord, Jennifer, even beyond the framework of your plans!!! Great is His Love, even beyond the rejection of many people, even beyond the rejection that may come from all people! "I Am" accepts you and that is all you need!! 

I clearly remember not "feeling it" for my music classes at PLNU! Truly, I wanted to succeed, and I wanted to play very well! However, under the pressure I put on myself to succeed, as a true "type A" personality, and under the pressure I began to feel when facing the reality of a major in music, something just went wrong! You know something, I don't even think that I enjoyed piano very much at all. Interestingly enough, I never realized this fact until I went to college. All throughout high school, my self confidence had been waning to say the least! Piano had always been an escape from the fact that I did not fit in very well in High school. In reality, music is a great outlet for releasing great emotion! Also,  I clearly remember telling myself that even if I had few friends, I had to practice the piano anyway in order to get a scholarship. Perhaps this was a way of coping with why I never made it to the Prom, or why I never was invited to the "party"!  All I know is that as soon as I got to college, playing the piano in order to perform really lacked luster and purpose for me. Uncertain about what that might mean for my future, I decided to stick out my freshman year as a piano major! Yes, Jennifer still earned all As and performed in piano!! But friends, Jennifer was simply lost! Completely confused and without direction I couldn't understand what in the world I was supposed to do next. Unfortunately, I realized right away that the grand acceptance I was hoping to find wasn't really happening for me. Lonely?? Lord?? Why does nothing feel right?? O.k. let's take inventory! I had no school bills, and terrific grades, two loving parents and a great roommate! Oh yeah, did I forget to mention God?? Sadly, we all do that sometimes don't we?? "Oh yes", we say, "I have God I guess!"  In fact, I admit that I was a little angry in my new testament class one day!! Convicted is actually a better description of what was going on inside. While studying the Scriptures, I remember really questioning what good purpose God was intending for me!  Yet, the pure comfort and mercy our Savior offers us was so clear in His word! Furthermore, I remember knowing there was so much more to God and His sacrifice that I really didn't grasp yet!  Yes, I admit that I was afraid..I needed to know what to do without acceptance and without direction and without a plan!! God! What do I do...?? I had always had God as a part of my life and that was no longer enough! I needed Him closer!! Too much chaos was going on inside of me..plans had failed, friends had failed and college seemed to fail to bring me what I needed: Christ's overwhelming work of Love that desperately desires to work itself in the surrendered heart.


Please listen to the words to this song by Fireflight for it describes my heart as I cried out to God! 

You know something, I was really wanting God to fill a void for me!! Truly, I had wanted other things in the past to help fill a really deep, deep need for acceptance; I was just beginning to see as I studied God's word that that acceptance is offered to us in Jesus! Still, I needed Him close! Still, I needed to hear from Him! Still, I was shaky on how to hold His hand! That's when God broke into the battle going on inside my mind. 1 John 4 revealed to me more about this love I was so desperately craving,

God’s Love and Ours

 ⁷ Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. ¹³ This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. ¹⁴ And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. ¹⁵ If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. ¹⁶ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.


I knew it at that moment as I read that passage and many others like that of 1 John chapter 4! Yes, I knew that God had the love all along that I needed! I knew I had accepted Him into my heart long ago, and I knew that I wanted Him to lead my life, but God needed to be the only source of Love in my life! Yes, Lord, I want you to fill me with your love..Love comes not from me, or from anything else but You!! Just as the song from FireFlight describes that I was needing Him to break into my heart and hold me!! Friends, did you know that God's word can hold you fast! Did you know that God held me as I held His word in my heart? Still, even though I knew that I wanted God's plan and even though I knew more than ever that His spirit had been guiding me through tough times and leading me, I still felt shaky on where God wanted me! Yes, I still felt lonely when the world did not know me!! Soon, I was going to get a very special message from God, one that would change my life forever! No, this was not the call where Jennifer Ran to Tarshish...that call was coming soon too!! However, this was the call that let Jennifer know that she would be serving God as a missionary! Yes, everyone of us has a Nineveh!! Everyone of us has a scenario presented to us in life, where we say no with every inch of our sanity and our Faith says maybe with what ever is left!! Every one of us has a line that we just don't think we could ever cross for God...!! As we all find out, to surrender to God is to erase the line and to throw away the threshold of resistance! Surrender is when we stop saying no to crossing a difficult line and instead we put it all on the line for Him! Yes, He's always worth it and the longer we serve Him, the sweeter He grows. The Longer I love Him, more Love He bestows...Each day is like heaven and my heart overflows..Yes, the Longer I serve Him the sweeter He grows...

For tonight I leave you with a media clip of that precious Hymn, the Longer I serve Him...and in the next few days...we will hear how I first heard God's call to be a missionary! Blessings..! Please feel free to share how God first called you!! 

I Am is calling you...

Please read the entire first chapter of one of the minor prophets, Malachi!! Go ahead and read it on the blog, or actually go get your bible, in whatever language your heart speaks, and highlight the parts that the Holy Spirit lifts off the page.  

Malachi 1

New International Version (NIV)

Malachi 1

 ¹ A prophecy: The word of the LORD to Israel through Malachi.^[a]

Israel Doubts God’s Love

 ² “I have loved you,” says the LORD.

   “But you ask, ‘How have you loved us?’

   “Was not Esau Jacob’s brother?” declares the LORD. “Yet I have loved Jacob,³ but Esau I have hated, and I have turned his hill country into a wasteland and left his inheritance to the desert jackals.”

 ⁴ Edom may say, “Though we have been crushed, we will rebuild the ruins.”

   But this is what the LORD Almighty says: “They may build, but I will demolish. They will be called the Wicked Land, a people always under the wrath of the LORD. ⁵ You will see it with your own eyes and say, ‘Great is the LORD—even beyond the borders of Israel!’

Breaking Covenant Through Blemished Sacrifices

 ⁶ “A son honors his father, and a slave his master. If I am a father, where is the honor due me? If I am a master, where is the respect due me?” says the LORD Almighty.

   “It is you priests who show contempt for my name.

   “But you ask, ‘How have we shown contempt for your name?’

 ⁷ “By offering defiled food on my altar.

   “But you ask, ‘How have we defiled you?’

   “By saying that the LORD’s table is contemptible. ⁸ When you offer blind animals for sacrifice, is that not wrong? When you sacrifice lame or diseased animals, is that not wrong? Try offering them to your governor! Would he be pleased with you? Would he accept you?” says the LORD Almighty.

 ⁹ “Now plead with God to be gracious to us. With such offerings from your hands, will he accept you?”—says the LORD Almighty.

 ¹⁰ “Oh, that one of you would shut the temple doors, so that you would not light useless fires on my altar! I am not pleased with you,” says the LORD Almighty, “and I will accept no offering from your hands. ¹¹ My name will be great among the nations, from where the sun rises to where it sets. In every place incense and pure offerings will be brought to me, because my name will be great among the nations,” says the LORD Almighty.

 ¹² “But you profane it by saying, ‘The Lord’s table is defiled,’ and, ‘Its food is contemptible.’ ¹³ And you say, ‘What a burden!’ and you sniff at it contemptuously,” says the LORD Almighty.

   “When you bring injured, lame or diseased animals and offer them as sacrifices, should I accept them from your hands?” says the LORD. ¹⁴ “Cursed is the cheat who has an acceptable male in his flock and vows to give it, but then sacrifices a blemished animal to the Lord. For I am a great king,” says the LORD Almighty, “and my name is to be feared among the nations.

Heaven knows that the might part about Almighty God always made me tremble with awe and wonder! God has always just impressed me with His majesty and His mighty Hand...!! Yes, He has been the King of glory to me, but had He been my prince of Peace?? There is no doubt that Point Loma Nazarene University is a very good school with wonderful programs that offer so much to those wishing to pursue excellence!! However, at the time I attended this university, the school was not exactly what I thought it would be! Were there Christians there?? Yes! In fact, there were actually a few Nazarenes in name, and some in name and practice at PLNU! Unfortunately, most of the students I had the chance to know did not know what it meant to be a Nazarene!  As my wonderful Grandmother Frances would say, "He who expects nothing will never be disappointed"!! O.k. Grandma, I know, I know...I was expecting a perfect little safe haven where I could be Jennifer and be totally accepted and even encouraged in my faith! Wrong, Jennifer! Don't do it, Jennifer...!! There is only one who will never disappoint you! It's me, Jesus cried out to me...It's me, not this school...Rely on me and I will not fail you...!! Now, here is my disclaimer in this part of my testimony: If you have had a different experience at Point Loma and if you loved that school, know that I think that is great!! I'm not against Point Loma at all, and I'm sure that the school blesses many!! Certainly, Point Loma is where the Lord first called me to be a missionary!! I'm simply stating that in my personal experience, I did not find what I thought I was going to find at PLNU. However, who should have I been looking for??? The I Am!!  I, who is the I am...am here..and I will be your peace...I will be your purpose..I will be your love...and you will rest in me and in my strength my words will not come back void as I use you as an instrument of my peace. Please take a moment to listen to the "I am" speak to your heart as He was beginning to speak to mine as a Freshman in College,

 Psalm 37: 3-4 reads, 


³ Trust in the LORD and do good;
   dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
⁴ Take delight in the LORD,
   and he will give you the desires of your heart.

God will give you the desires of your heart...but first the text says...Trust in the Lord!! Trust in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart..!!  Only He knows what those are...!!!  So, here was Jennifer, a Classical piano major, desiring to be a performer, or perhaps a teacher professionally!! And???




What did God know that Jennifer did not!!! Everything...!!  God knew that Jennifer was not going to be still before the Lord, until He was truly Lord of everything!! God knew that Jennifer was not going to be a professional pianist, or even a piano major much longer! God also knew that Jennifer was about to discover the call of God upon her life; Jennifer was about to get a call to foreign missions. Would you like to hear how God broke into my plans and called me into His??? I'll leave you with a Scripture to ponder and I hope that you will join me on my next post in a few days.  
1 Thessalonians 5 reads that we are to,

¹⁶ Rejoice always, ¹⁷ pray continually, ¹⁸ give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

 ¹⁹ Do not quench the Spirit. ²⁰ Do not treat prophecies with contempt ²¹ but test them all; hold on to what is good, ²² reject every kind of evil.

 ²³ May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. ²⁴ The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.





Question? Do you believe that God's call is irrevocable??? Yes, there is a right answer...!! I hope to hear from all of you on this question...Blessings..

"So where does the strength come from to see a race to its end??? From Within!!" Missionary to China, and famous runner, Eric Liddell spoke those words long ago after winning a race for the Lord!! So, what happens when what resides within has not been sanctified?? Friends, if we are not certainly surrendered to God, we might follow for a while and then we will falter!! True to its doctrine, the Nazarene Church seeks to let others know that we do not simply accept Christ into our hearts, but that we believe we must declare Him Lord of our lives and allow the work of the Holy Spirit to purify us from all sin! Now, understand of course, that sin represents anything that separates you from the known will of God. Therefore, instead of being separated from God, the hope is that we are set apart for God's special purpose! Surrender, sweet, sweet surrender starts with being entirely wrapped up in the Love of God! You know what??? I know I thought God cared about me, but I didn't know that He loves me the way He loves me, you know? In fact, when asked if I had a personal relationship with Jesus, my answer was of course, "yes!" Yet, did I really know how personal God was meant to be to me? No, Not even close!!


Highschool Graduation's main memory: Tears!! All my schoolmates were so excited about grad night and I knew that I was not going to go anywhere near that party!  I remember walking across the stage to be handed my high school diploma with great sadness and relief! When my family came over to congratulate me, I just started to sob! My mom just held me and my family along with a few church friends looked on in surprise!! Why on earth would this 18 year old who just graduated be sobbing?? Well, perhaps I should explain a bit more. Truly, when you've been holding your breath for 4 years for something to end and it ends, let me tell you, there is great emotion involved! All I knew is that the nightmare was over and it ended without me choosing the world over Christ! Praise the Lord, some of those tears were tears of joy and victory, and Praise Him still that some of those tears were tears of built up suffering and rejection!! Ouch! Rejection for any reason hurts, but when that rejection feels so deeply personal to who you are, the pain digs a little bit deeper!! However, I still needed to find my identity in Jesus fully!! Yes, I really needed to understand what our beautiful Saviour died to offer me and how very personal it was indeed.  When your identity is in Christ, you never walk through suffering alone!! There is a Savior and He knows rejection and pain personally and He knows all about your pain personally as well!!


What a difficult road to find acceptance, only to be utterly and totally disappointed!! Finally, Highschool was over!! "Well, Lord", I thought, "with almost no friends, and with never having had a boyfriend, has the pain of loneliness finally past me by?"  The Lord replies, "No, Jennifer, not until you find me as your everything, as the one thing that can satisfy your soul!!" Sadly, Jennifer cannot hear the reply very well! Convinced that going to a Christian school would mean finally being accepted, Jennifer placed her hope in a future at Point Loma Nazarene University! Oopse!!


My soul must come under the hand of the Spirit; just as a piece of clay is on the potter’s wheel and is made to revolve and is touched by the fingers of the potter and moulded into what he wishes it to be, so must I lie passively in the hand of the Spirit of God, and he must work in me to will and to do of his own good pleasure, and then I shall begin to work out my own salvation with fear and trembling, but never, never till then. I must have more than nature can give me, more than my mother gave me, more than my father gave me, more than flesh and blood can produce under the most favourable circumstances. I must have the Spirit of God from heaven. Then comes this enquiry, ‘Have I received him? What is the best evidence of it?’ The best evidence of it is this: am I resting upon Christ Jesus alone for salvation? (C. Spurgeon)


Funny how often discussions arise as to Salvation by works, right? Well, I can tell you right now with great pride that I've never felt that I could earn my Salvation by anything I could ever do..!! However, I'm sooo guilty of Idolatry!! I'm so completely guilty of thinking that yes, Salvation comes from the Lord, but that the Love, Peace, and Joy that result from Christ's Salvation alone, can come from other sources, worldly sources! As mentioned in earlier blogs, I was outsourcing for Love, when God is Love!! So, was I resting upon Christ Jesus alone for Salvation and all that being saved means? No!! 




Are you resting today soley upon Christ Jesus alone for Salvation, yet emptying it of its power and joy? Furthermore, are you seeking the fullness of Salvation in Christ alone?? Friends no other good thing is out there that does not come down from the Father above...the one who made those beautiful heavenly lights..!!


In the next few blogs I'm going to slowing walk through my college experience with all of you. Moreover, I'm going to share things with all of you with lots of Scriptures and with more of a vague approach to the details. However, college at Point Loma was where I first was called to be a foreign missionary for the Lord Jesus Christ! Therefore, as we approach that section of my college career the details will be very vivid as that will glorify God!! May the God of Love, Peace, Joy, and Purpose reveal to you daily that only He is Good and worthy of all praise and glory...


I would like to leave you with a beautiful song as you ponder what kind of Savior calls you even now!!

Pray for God's children!! Pray for the Kurds

Look at her face!! This is a little girl who lives in modern day Nineveh!! What a little angel...what a special gift of God lay in her sweet smile!! Pray for her?? Currently there are not any missionaries deployed to tell her about the greatest gift of all, Jesus!!

Explosions and torment have been their lot in life and yet the children smile!! Perhaps there will be greater smiles still and greater rejoicing when the pain is replaced by the peace of Christ. Pray for the Kurds!!

I have not finished my next blog, but I'm posting this so that we will pray for the salvation of Gods kids in Kurdistan territory!! Many blessings...!! Let's pray all day!! Let's pray all night!! God doesn't forget them and we will not either!! Love you all, Jennifer

This world is not my home!!!

The Harbor Jaffa is one of the oldest functioning harbors in the world. Today it harbors only small fishing boats. This was the port to which Jonah came when fleeing from the Lord to Tarshish (Jonah 1:3). For the construction of Solomon's Temple, cedars were floated from Phoenicia to Joppa and then transported to Jerusalem (2 Chr 2:16). Jaffa was the main port of entry during the Turkish period and pilgrims and visitors would enter the Holy Land here.

Down, Down, Down we go before we go up up up into the arms of Jesus!!!
down, Down, down we go to Joppa to flee from the Sovereignty of the Good God we hope to serve with undivided hearts.  Let's go down to Joppa together shall we??? You know what? I love coffee and studying all about Joppa reminded me of Java!! Ha..!! Well, pour yourself a cup of coffee and turn your Bible to Jonah!!
I love to study the Bible!! Guess what?? When we take the time to really break open the light of God's Word, we find more of His light, more of His truth and more of His unending love!! Therefore, I thought we could dig a little bit together and uncover more about why Jonah ran to flee from the Lord! We've been discussing the truth about Surrender! Yes, most of our rebellion comes from a lack of trust in the Lord God! Or, perhaps it is not that we lack trust that He is the Lord, but rather we lack trust that the Lord is Good??? How many of us have known the Lord to allow a 5 yr. old to be gunned down in war??? How many of us have watched an amazing saint of God die too young of cancer, or some other disease??? How many of us have watched helplessly as God's people have suffered famine and died by the thousands??? How many of us watched as Haiti suffered through that wretched earth quake, paralyzed by how that could have happened???  Yes, tragic things happen to God's kids all the time, and your Lord counts every single tear and wipes away each one as we invite His peace and love to come near. The truth is that God knew we would experience pain, as he reminds us in the Scripture that we should take heart, "even though in this world, we will have trouble, He has overcome the world."  Moreover, He knows that His love is greater and His grace is greater and His will is eternal!! Yes, His love endures forever, and the world cannot separate us from His infinite Love,“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:35,37 NIV


Yet, God in His infinite wisdom still set for us an allowance for all the pain and emotions of this world He foreknew we would experience.

Ecclesiastes 3

New International Version (NIV)

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

 ¹ There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

 ² a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 ³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 ⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 ⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 ⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 ⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,
 ⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace.

 ⁹ What do workers gain from their toil? ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet^[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. ¹² I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. ¹³ That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. ¹⁴ I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

Yet, there is something so key here to our understanding of pain! Perhaps we avoid it because we have just momentarily forgotten that it exists "in" time?? Your God is Eternal!! I love the way the Haitian people praise the Lord...Do you know what they say in French?? L'Eternal!! The Eternal one!! Yes, the nation of Haiti has suffered and they get it!! This world is not my Home...Oh praise the eternal one that the pain is temporal and that His love is eternal!!

Perhaps we need to come to terms with the fact that this world is not our home and that God's ending is still beautiful??? Perhaps we need to face the fact that His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways??? Perhaps we need to get on our knees and allow the Holy Spirit of God to search our inmost being to find out whether or not we are o.k. with God's plans??? Perhaps the truth is we still need to face the cross, where God allowed Himself, His son to be nailed to a cross to bridge the gap between Himself and all of us??? Don't ever forget that you are not the only one that is suffering unjustly!! Your God marked that trail long ago, right?? The real burning question is not if we know that God loves us at this point in Jonah's whale of a tale!! WE know God loves us, but are we ready to Love Him??? Are we ready to accept the sacrifice that it takes to cross over from death to life?? Perhaps we need to admit that we know God is calling us all to give it all, but that we also know that the sacrifice involved will make anyone run to Joppa if one does not know He is Good beyond the pain and confusion.  Do you know He is good even when it hurts?? Do you know that He is good even beyond the wind and the waves??  If we do not first understand that all things work together for Good, then God's call will result in battle, pain and confusion until surrender is found and the end is beautiful!

Let's examine the text,

Jonah 1

Jonah Flees From the LORD

 ¹ The word of the LORD came to Jonah son of Amittai: ² “Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.” ³ But Jonah ran away from the LORD and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the LORD.

Now, as we can see from the picture and brief description, Joppa is a real port that is actually still in use today! I find the fact that Joppa's port is still in use exhilarating to say the least! Both literally and figuratively, there are still ports operating that will take us away from the presence of the Lord. Now, literally, the presence of the Lord was thought to be in Israel by Jonah and God's chosen people! Therefore, in order to really get away from God's call, Jonah had to go to the famous port to go outside of where the presence of the Lord resided.  Why? Why did Jonah say "no" to God? The better question remains, what did Jonah know about God that made the call unacceptable to Jonah. In fact, what made the request to go to Nineveh so unacceptable that he immediately fled to Joppa with the intent of going all the way to Tarshish. Perhaps we must consult the text to find our answer,

Jonah 4

Jonah’s Anger at the LORD’s Compassion

 ¹ But to Jonah this seemed very wrong, and he became angry. ²He prayed to the LORD, “Isn’t this what I said, LORD, when I was still at home? That is what I tried to forestall by fleeing to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. ³ Now, LORD, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live.”

Clearly, Jonah is less righteous than all of us, right?? Come on Jonah!! How could you seriously be that unloving...!! Well, I'm certainly glad that I'm not like you!! Feeling like a Pharisee still?? Feeling good about "you" still?? After you stop swishing the kool-aid around, perhaps some truth flavored mouthwash is in order?? Now, I admit to you that when I first read chapter 4, I thought, "seriously"?? However, we must understand that the book of Jonah grants us great inside into why we run from God's perfect plan! Sometimes, we understand all too well that following God does not mean a painless life, or even a comfortable one at all, right?? What are you afraid God might allow that is keeping you from saying, "yes"??  Heah Christian, God's plan is perfect beyond the pain!! Principle, when we cannot feel the light of the Son, we run!! When we cannot see that the Lord's plans are good, we don't do what we know we should!!

Please take a few minutes to worship along with this video that contains my favorite song!! Yes, I play this on repeat all night long while I sleep!!

What does the Lord want??? The Lord wants your "yes", to His Yes!! The Lord wants you on your knees, truly crying, Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God almighty!! We are no different than Jonah on the point of pride!! Jonah had pride about being God's prophet and about being God's prophet to the chosen nation of Israel! Friends, can we just be honest for a moment??? Is there any culture, or Christian that has not found identity and pride in something other than God alone?? Yes, even in service to God, pride creeps in and causes us all to be idolaters, doesn't it?? Jonah was serving more for the glory of Israel, than the Glory of God!! So, how do we prevent ourselves from serving the service and not the King alone?? We are now back to the question from a few blogs past, "who and what is good"?? How do we prevent ourselves from serving our selves in this world, and not the King of the eternal?? Live for Him outside of time and outside of your circumstances..treasure nothing in this world...!!!  Live for God as the only Good in your life!! No, this world is not your home!!  Jonah, Israel was not your home....!!!  Moms, your kids and picket fences are not your home!! Dads, your jobs and life's work are not your home. As Christians, our identity is in Christ, and our place is in God's eternal arms of love: your home!!  So sinner, Go home..Run home and find His peace there waiting!!
In the next blog we will be going to college with Jennifer, right before she decided to head to Joppa!!! Blessings...!! So good to be Home Lord..safe in your arms of Love...!! Lord? All that matters to me now is that you are holy!! Love, Me..

Happy Valentines Day

I'm taking a break today from the blog posting to just say, Happy St. Valentines day from brother Jonah and his little sister in Christ, Jennifer!! For all of you out there that are not feeling loved today, there is something I want to say to you! Feelings fade and moments pass away, but the word of the Lord..yes, the greatest love letter ever written and addressed to you with a big red heart sticker..stained red by his sacrifice is waiting for you, written upon your heart forever! So, to whomever started this Valentines Day with a dark shadow overhead...Let His light and Love hold you close as it projects awesome Love from within and from above, leaving the shadows behind.

Just in case you did not know, here is a little bit of the Valentine that God has sent to you!!

Song of Songs 4

New International Version (NIV)

Song of Songs 4

 
⁷ You are altogether beautiful, my darling;
   there is no flaw in you.
 ⁸ Come with me from Lebanon, my bride,
   come with me from Lebanon.
Descend from the crest of Amana,
   from the top of Senir, the summit of Hermon,
from the lions’ dens
   and the mountain haunts of leopards.
⁹ You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride;
   you have stolen my heart
with one glance of your eyes,
   with one jewel of your necklace.
¹⁰ How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride!
   How much more pleasing is your love than wine,
and the fragrance of your perfume
   more than any spice!
¹¹ Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride;
   milk and honey are under your tongue.
The fragrance of your garments
   is like the fragrance of Lebanon.
¹² You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride;
   you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.
¹³ Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates
   with choice fruits,
   with henna and nard,
 ¹⁴ nard and saffron,
   calamus and cinnamon,
   with every kind of incense tree,
   with myrrh and aloes
   and all the finest spices.
¹⁵ You are^[b] a garden fountain,
   a well of flowing water
   streaming down from Lebanon.
   She
 ¹⁶ Awake, north wind,
   and come, south wind!
Blow on my garden,
   that its fragrance may spread everywhere.
Let my beloved come into his garden
   and taste its choice fruits.

So, from one bride of Christ to another...Happy Valentines Day..Aren't you glad you are a part of the family of God and the beautiful Bride of Christ??? Yes, today, and forever, your God loves you like that!!